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Sunday, January 30, 2022

Life.. once again..

 I searched for my blog after a long long time.. just wanted to revisit some feelings that are here yet again.

I confronted with someone in really strong voice, yet again I challenged the woman in me. Yet again, I tested the trust, yet again I tested the cultures.

Yet again, it’s a reminder of your existence 

Yet again, someone I am challenged for being me

Yet again, the fight started

Yet again, here I am

But not this time, the fight is changed.. it’s just not me.

It is the fight of existence and I do exist and so do every other person. Everyone need that trust & respect. 

Age & sex makes no difference. It’s a fight for equality and it will never change…. But I did, I am & I will stand against it

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Relationships - soo simple yet soo complicated

I believe that every relationship starts with trust and friendship.. the relationship that we adore has certainly something attached to it, say it feeling but its always the trust...
We had this discussion the other day, why we have to leave some of our most beautiful relations behind us while forming the ultimate relation with the most important person of our life..
Say it or not, I believe feelings never die.. you may make efforts to keep them un-noticed in some corner of your heart but they still exist...
There is always a bonding that we develop with certain people, which is above and beyond anything.. and it is unfair to leave it unnoticed... Why cant your ex-bf/gf br your friends?? You have all rights to show our respect to each and every person we trust...

But this is one side of the coin... people say you should not see your Xs, as its a disrespect to your current commitment in life... but why is that??
Is it not more about us than thinking about the state of mind of the other person?

I saw a movie about a gay couple, and most of the people in the cinema just find one of the scene quite sentimental..
A man came after many years to meet the ultimate love of his life, who though gay is married to a woman due to social pressure..
The meeting of the two guys, brought tears in the eyes of many people around us... The relation was known to his wife all through these years.. and she just feels so nice to reunite the two lovers...
What would have been the state of mind of the woman all through the years.. she has been cheated but she just lived with it all through her life and even loved her better half even when he told her the truth...

This is a respect, which is above and beyond everything..
The happiest moments are always the ones when our loved ones are happy.. so why to ask your love, leave any of there happiness behind them... respect their feelings.. trust them with whatever they do... thats the only zest of a relationship to me :)
because the sad truth of life is death so be happy and make everyone around you happy...
and don't leave any relation behind you, to repent later..

Complications are just your state of mind.. and only you can conquer it..
So try make things simple with Trust and Respect, the two mantras of a Relationship..

A Happy day...

Happiness can come in any form.. a gift, a holiday, an instance or a person...
It came in my life as a person...
Its one of the happiest day of my life, why????????
Its just because of this person, who whenever comes just brings lots of happiness with himself... at least for me...
Whenever I meet him, I find a new side of his...
and this time his knowledge, and his happy face that just brings soo much happiness in everyone's life..
and what just brings me here is that real smile and the laughter that he has brought with himself...

I owe u alot my friend...
Lots of happiness...
Will pray to God, he gives you whatever you really deserve in life.... THANKS :)

Friday, February 10, 2012

An Apology....

I see her mentioning him in each word coming from her heart...
Whenever I have seen those feeling in him, they were for her..............

There is a mail in his inbox, an apology, saying 'I am sorry for what I did...'
He is happy to see that, showed me as well that finally she realised.... I knew she isn't bad, it was just because of the moment....
When last time you came to me with tears in your eyes, they were for her...
You do a lot to prove that she is no more in your thoughts or around you, but everything you expect, I see in her....

Whenever she mentions you, its always a 'Thank You' and the most special person, who will always remain close to her... in thoughts or actions... or dreams....
Whenever you mention the best moment of your life, its always with her....

It just makes me think, " Do I owe a APOLOGY????"

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Quote...

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” 
― Marilyn Monroe

Friday, January 6, 2012

Superstitions....

We grew up hearing lot of things, which though feels stupid but we still follow them...
When we are going out and a black cat crosses your  way, WAIT,
if someone sneezes, when you are going out.. WAIT
when some one is going out don't take the names like 'oil', 'achaar' etc..

I heard some of them since childhood, even followed them sometime without even giving a thought.. eating curd before going for exams, or saying 'dahi-machli'
Don't know what this combination is... it just means 'Best of Luck'.

So many superstitions that we follow in our daily life,
I think its okay to follow them till its not affecting anything, for good or bad, I am really not sure...
Seen some time back on television, people throw there newborns from a height in a mosque for getting God's blessings... People just follow it, without thinking what will happen if the person standing below is not able to catch your child..

Its good to think about Almighty, but why to blame him for anything thats just in your mind...

I woke up one morning and as it happens most of the time, started sneezing the moment I got off my bed... It was my holiday, and my hubby was ready to go to office. I didn't know that my sneezing is effecting him anyway.. A little later he said, 'stop sneezing, so that I can make my way to office' and I can't do anything else but 'Aaaaaaaa cheeeeeeeeeeeeeee...    ooopppsss....' and a laughter...

one more incident that catches my mind.. In modern India its a normal thing to call your hubby by his name, while its totally out of question for the older generation..
As we had a love marriage, its nomal for me to call him by his name.. after marriage we went to someone's home and there was a good discussion with a jest that husband's life reduces when you call him by his name, and my Mom approved to it saying that she has never called his sons by their name because of the same reason.. I was not quite aware of the discussion and came out of room calling my hubby dears name...... My husband still laughs narrating it to everyone....
It brings a thought to my mind, I can understand a reason that earlier husbands' used to be quite older to wives, therefore as a matter of respect you don't used to call him by his name...
but if you say that it reduces the husband's life, I have a question why does it not happen with wives... probably you are making efforts since ages to reduce your wife's life....
Stop givng man all these priviledges :P

Superstitions are just in your mind, there are days, numbers or moments that becomes your lucky numbers..
I dont say dont follow them, but don't let them RULE YOU....

Own your actions, instead of blaming someone else................

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Maa..........

Its always a peaceful and sacred moment for me seeing the statue of Mother Mary holding Christ. I could stand there for hours just seeing the love of a Mother for her child. The statue always  gives a very sacred feeling..
Maa, this word in itself means........ a word of love, trust, confidence, respect....
This is one relation which has just Love....
I remember that day in the tube, heard a voice 'Go go go go goooo....' I turned around and saw a Mumma guiding her 3 babies in the crowd. The confidence on her face just says it all, and her 3 chickens were just listening that 1 voice amongst the great chaos in the tube... Just loved that expression on her face taking care of her  babies...
Whenever I recall any of my childhood memories its always has one person that I see holding trust in whatever we were doing. Not sure if that confidence just comes with the motherhood. standing for your children, trusting them guiding them, as and when required.. Maa, my Maa still I could not see anyone replacing her. Her love, just putting your head in her lap gives you soo much of peace, relieves you of all the stress and tension. Seems that could be the best place I could ever think of, miss it soo much sometimes..
A child always goes back to her Mother, though she has scolded her.. she cries but its just her Mom who can bring her back to peace...
Seen her soo many times.. That warm hug that Mishu gives to Di, could not equivalent for her love for anyone else... 
Whenever I think of my next step in life, I always think if I could have soo much..
Being a Mom is not just giving birth, it means owning a life.. A life for which you are the ultimate trust..
Can I have that confidence taking care of my ANSH....
I really have lots of questions... I know the answers can only be the motherhood.... seeing my part in my lap.... Will he/she be able to see that peace and trust in me...
Maa I really miss you searching for lots of these answers..
Love you alot....

Monday, June 13, 2011

Someone....

Never seen her or met her...
but she has been a part of my life since really long....
for the first time when i heard her it was a 'Hello'... a cheerful voice...'helllloooo'
I liked her.....

I chose to make her a part of my life..
chosen to take decisions personifying her,
been at her place seldom times, not doing justice to myself...
but always felt that its justified...

life changed... life moved...
I kept her knowing more n more...
I felt i am helping her... anyways...to let her life go right....
we never met...

than 1 day she called up...
telling me she knows me as well...
everything about me...
I heard the dirtiest words in my life...
I can feel the hatred in her heart..
I kept on telling her... but she knew me soo well!!!!
all those words I can never forget....

they runs through my mind on n off...
my soul asks me am I soo bad.. worthy of those words?????

I wanna meet you... see you and ask you....
do u really mean all that...

I still turns pages trying to know how she is doing?
is she well....
sometimes forgets myself, but never forget to turn her pages...

today I cant say 'i know her soo well'
but whenever we will meet, i will always have the same questions for u...
Did I ??

Monday, May 2, 2011

Are we Liberated?????

We have always heard about sati, female infanticide, child marriage, female deaths due to dowry and lots of such old customs that just move around the dilemmas in the life of women. 
But we say the Modern India has changed giving equal rights to women n men, making reservations for women in different fields, education for a girl child etc etc.
Still there is a question did we really have???
I myself come from a middle class society. As a girl child me and my sister were raised with same standards as our brother, went to same schools or colleges, given equal opportunity to prove ourselves and make our mark in this world.
But today where I stand looking around me I still feel there is a gap, a gap in our society considering the girl and the boy child or a man and a woman..
I belong to a family who are basically attached to their roots, though we been born and brought up in Delhi/NCR are given equal rights and education as my brother, I can see lots of my cousin sisters who are not.
It feels so awkward when I hear people around me talking about the primary work in girl's life is to be perfect in household work. There is no relevance to a girl's education, its just about getting her married by the age of 20 or even less. Its treated as a curse to a family if a girl is not married by the age of 25, with no respect to her achievements. Many of them might even be Mothers before 18.
Are we really giving equals rights to the Girl Child??????

This was still about the families which are based in rural areas, but even the cities which are considered to be the hub of Education in India. City in Uttar Pradesh which is a home of seven out of 14 Prime Ministers of India, or the cities that have the world's renowned education bodies.Its just in the blood.
The girls are brought up with the thought that their real house will be the one they will be married to. Govt. has passed a law that girls hold equal right to parents property as a boy child, but how many families really follow it, not even in the case when its the need of the hour. The ladies can't take a step beyond their husband's or should I say their MALIK's permission even if it just means meeting their near and dear ones.
Why are we giving such a bad name to the holy word "MARRIAGE"?

Even the 90% of the families in Metro have the same stories. We were sent to be the best schools, the so called convent education. But when it comes to marriage we will look for people in our own community or our own village. 
Once we were talking about a school friend, a professional, an independent lady married to a XXX. We brothers n sisters were discussing her and her marriage and had a common view that she should quit such a relationship when we heard the most weirdest of the thought from our dad. It just gave a impression what would have happen if I was in her place? The education, the rights does they all fail after marriage.
My parents take it as a pain if we get a gift for them as a girl child while anything from my brother is considered as their own. Will this mentality ever change?
Why even today parents seems more happy on the birth of a boy instead of a girl??
On one hand the girls are considered Durga n Laxmi but in the same land they are treated nothing more that servants with no right to speak.
Even the working women who work equally as a men, at the end of the day, they are expected to be perfect in their household core. Why is their a ego clash if a girl earns or she is more deserving than the guy?
Lastly a incident that brings my notice to this comaprision: There is a joke in our house that my parents made 3 floors in the house for each of their 3 children. Once someone from our family revised it once more and my Dad promptly said 'No all belongs to our son :)' Not sure if he means that as he has always showered all his wealth on each of us. Never ever said a 'NO' to anything weather its any of us.
But this small statement of his really fainted all the rights that we were given as a girl or a boy. We are all doing well in our lives, and don't think there will ever be a situation when we have to ask anything from him. courtesy the education he has given us, that made us grow as a independent women.

Things may have improved, but there still is a big RACE TO BE WON.
We say "Its a women who makes a house a home" Please respect that.
Can we as the maker of our new generation make it a promise to ourselves that a child is a child irrespective of their GENDER. PLEASE MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL AT EACH N EVERY STAGE OF LIFE. 

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

...................................

हमेशा से ज़िन्दगी में एक रिक्त स्थान रहा है.....
'अपने आपको व्यक्त करना', हमारी ज़िन्दगी में बहुत महत्वपूर्ण होता है,
यह बात में बहुत देर से समझी. अब लगता है जैसे शब्द ही नहीं हैं...

स्वार्थी, यह शब्द जैसे मेरी परिभाषा बन गया है.. 
सब अपने-२ रूप में मुझे इस अक्षर से पहचानते हैं..

बचपन से एक ही कोशिश रही सब काम दूसरों के लिए करूँ ताकि कोई स्वार्थी न कहे...
धीरे-२ शायद उससे में सब करना ही भूल गयी.. हाथ में कम्पन होता है जब कुछ अपने आप करो...

लेकिन जब इस मतलबी दुनिया को देखा की सब अपने लिए ही लड़ रहे हैं, तोह अजीब लगा...
हमेशा से एक ऐसे साथी की तलाश रही जो मेरे लिए भी कुछ करे..
लेकिन क्या में उसके लिए कुछ कर पाऊँगी.. गलत सही का मापदंड करते-२ अपना आत्मबल ही खो गया..

अजीब है सब कुछ.. लगता है जैसे कुछ तो नया है... 
बचपन की परिभाशयों पे अब सब हस्ते हैं.. और तुम अपने में ग्लानी करके बस सोचते रह जाते हो..

सब अजीब है.. कभी सोचा था कोई तोह होगा जिसे में यह सब बताउंगी..
जिसे में वोह सब कहूँगी जो अभी तक अपने से कहा था.. की में स्वार्थी नहीं हूँ..
लेकिन शायद अब ना अपने को व्यक्त ही करती हूँ, 
और इस झुंझलाहट में कहीं खो जाती हूँ..
आज जब वोह बोला 'क्यूँ है इतना स्वार्थ की में हमेशा अपनी जुबां चबाउन और तुम्हारी ही सुनता जाऊं'
तब लगा शायद यह ज़िन्दगी तोह निकल गयी..
ना अपने लिए ही किया, ना दूसरों के लिए...
अब सिर्फ एक रिक्त स्थान है................................................




Sunday, March 20, 2011

Festivities and Relations :)

Holi -  the festival of colors, is undoubtedly the most fun-filled and boisterous of Hindu Festivals. Its a festival that brings in unadulterated joy and mirth, fun and play, music and dance and Lots of colors :)
Though there are lots of mythological stories associated with Holi as Holika dehan n Prahalad etc.. The festival is basically to enjoy the spring season and come out of your cocoons to unwind the winter spell. For farmers the festival is to celebrate the spring harvest. In Hindu Mythology its a New Year...
So many significance.... India the land of Festivals....
The festivals that fills our life with colors and celebrations, but the colors are only visible when you have your loved ones around you...
Since last two years we have celebrated the festival with so much joy and excitement, but it was just the opposite this time...
Though surrounded with people, one corner of my heart was only looking for you...
The colors and the smile on face just loses its glory with you not around. A hug from you makes each day a festival....
MISS YOU

Friday, March 11, 2011

A STORY...........

Its a story of a girl and boy, out of college..
to the world of professionals..
First salary, independence....
Office Romance.. flirting..
Coffee, movies, roaming hand in hand...
a bubble called LOVE popped in life...
but a TEMPEST
blew them away...

They say 
'Marriages are Made in Heaven
 and solemnized on earth'....
he came back... MARRIAGE..
Guy was practical..
Girl was sentimental
but LOVE was mutual


2 years passed on.... 
there zeal to see the world, to earn, to live took him away..
Sitting miles away, in different geographies, different time zone... SEPARATED.......
chats, phone calls are the only way....
and than.................................................
they known each other so well..
they just compliment each other so well..
than why this??????
Is it the distance??
No clues!!
LOVE is the bond, life is the fear.......
There meeting was destined by God..
Than what really makes it...........
Just waiting for the Beautiful DAY!!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Have you ever felt so alone and nothing makes sense? Well that’s how I feel right now…I feel like I’m facing everything myself, with nothing but tears and a fake smile…..

Feeling blue....

Not feeling good at all..
Its a bad morning..
I may not be able to express it...

"Feeling Blue, Feeling Blue, Feeling Blue
My Heartbeat Can’t be True
My Heartbeat Can’t be True

जाने क्या चाहे मन बावरा,
जाने क्या चाहे मन बावरा..
अखियाँ मेरे सावन चला, 
अँखियाँ मेरे सावन चला ...

Feeling Blue, Feeling Blue, Feeling Blue
My Heartbeat Can’t be True
My Heartbeat Can’t be True"



Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I MISS YOU...


I read a poem long time back
a husband leaving her wife for the first time..
Wife cries and cries.. hubby asks why you crying dear..
wife says.. I fear you, care about you..
husband says if you care about me than think good of me as
its your near and dear ones words that hit you....

the poem was read for exams..
but today when you are not around it helps me not to shred a tear for you..
but pray GOD that everything is for you..

when I get up in the morning and not find you around..
I just say GOD wherever he is, keep him safe and sound..

I dont enjoy the cup of tea, that used to freshens my day..
things around seems so blue..
as there is no joy without you...

My day ends looking for you..
every breath of mine misses you..
but the poem that I read sometime in school..
keeps me positive that this too has something good for you...

but I Miss You :(



Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Happy Diwali :)


Diwali the festival of lights.
Yesterday standing in my balcony, I just looked around..
the view was really awesome...
lights all round, the start of festive week..

Even the thought of this fills my mind with happiness and excitement.. :)



Thursday, July 2, 2009

a thought..........

A thought always runs through my mind whenever I am in bed, thinking about the day...
the trysts of life....

Life is like a land....
A green patch symbolizes 'Happiness'
A barren land is '
sadness'
While making a way out of a green patch of land or a forest.... the more you start traveling, the greenery starts disappearing... to find a way u have to move ahead, you may find some pebbles underneath the green cover of land.... but u have to move on, to make a smooth way removing both the pebbles and the plantation....
its similar to say that even in happy times, dont get soo excited that a small pebble can shake you, instead keep your cool and make your way even more smoother...
and barren land.... you can move anywhere on that land to pass it.... in any direction, but the only problem is to find the direction...
its similar to your state of mind in your difficult times.... lots of thoughts keep on rushing through your mind.... but its really difficult to choose one path or the correct path to nicely sail through that time...
while traveling.... you find different types of lands and you just keep on travelling....
Similar is our life which has lots of ups & downs, but to have a successful life you just have to know how to find your ways through both forests and deserts :)



Friday, May 1, 2009

क्यूँ नहीं यह बात मुझ में है........

जो हवा में है, लहर में है
क्यों नहीं वह बात
मुझमें है?

शाम कंधों पर लिए अपने
ज़िन्दगी के रू-ब-रू चलना
रोशनी का हमसफ़र होना
उम्र की कन्दील का जलना
आग जो
जलते सफ़र में है
क्यों नहीं वह बात
मुझमें है?

रोज़ सूरज की तरह उगना
शिखर पर चढ़ना, उतर जाना
घाटियों में रंग भर जाना
फिर सुरंगों से गुज़र जाना
जो हंसी कच्ची उमर में है
क्यों नहीं वह बात
मुझमें है?

एक नन्हीं जान चिड़िया का
डाल से उड़कर हवा होना
सात रंगों के लिये दुनिया
वापसी में नींद भर सोना
जो खुला आकाश स्वर में है
क्यों नहीं वह बात
मुझमें है?

Monday, January 19, 2009

Some colorful moments.....

All my friends those have been to hostels used to tell me, one should always experience that hostel life for once. Its a home away from your home... and always a lifetime experience...
I got that chance when i joined my job.. Its not a hostel but a flat shared by 6 girls...
those 2 years of my life were completely different.....
I always used to hear you get more responsible as there is no Mummy around to take care of you... u are all on your own....
Mine was not a hostel, neither we have a warden to keep a check on us...
It was a house whose rules were created by us... but it was a wonderful experience.... some friends made forever......
When i joined them, i was the seventh person in a 3 bhk flat, shared room with my cousin nd her roommate... I felt it quite different as everyone was quite different, and i was new to this world...
though soo independent they take good care of eachother....
There was no television, but we always have more entertainment than anyone else...
The dinner mostly used to be together and it used to stretch for almost an hour with everyone sharing there experiences for the day....
If there is something special made and someone is missing, then its always made sure that the person is not having her dinner somewhere else....
When you live together, you gotta know eachother quite well... you actually start sharing lots of things.... your day today experiences, your family, your friends, movies, masti....
Its a rocking time....
Guys, a hot topic with girls .... patch ups and brek ups... the first rose... and wats going on roz-roz.... hehe
Festivals..... we used to celebrate them around 2-3 days before the actual day as everone used to go back home mostly... the best that we celebrated was the Holi in '07...
We prepared the most traditional Food, chole, puri, kheer.....
Invited our landlords(oops forgot to mention, they used to live on the ground floor, and our care takers)... So aunty and Bhabhi dropped in for the event...
There were colors missing in the celebration as was told by naughty Saloni.... but never believe her for things like that...
as soon as the dinner finished... some gulal was brought in a plate to apply a tilak on aunty and bhabhi's forehead.... but the moment they left there was all colors and water in the drawing room... everyone fully drenched and the music on.... there was dance.... By the time it ended, there was no water left in the tank and 6 bhoots thinking how to ask aunty to switch on the motors at 2 a.m. in the morning [:)]
birthdays used to be great.... The birthday starts right on 00.00 with a birthday bash.... the bouquet and a cake is a must.... by 00.05 most of the cake is on the b'day girls face than in anyone's mouth....
the best facial anyone can ever have.... balloons and flowers are part of the tradition.... and than the music starts... further it depends on how much everyone is exhausted from the days work for the party to end...
Great moments which are always cherished...
There were misunderstandings, and small conflicts.... yar but sab chalta hai....
Thanks guys for making my two years soo v.special..

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A day to remember....

Happy Birthday Sweetheart,

On this day, I small wish to GOD...

'A small wish, that says
whatever you wish for in life,
Should come TRUE'